We met young..

I'm not a '16 and Pregnant' girl but I'm still a young mom. I got pregnant when I was 20 and became a mommy when I was 21. Do you know who I was before I was pregnant? I was in Medical Assisting school, working at Applebee's, still new to Tennessee, and trying to make friends. In making friends, I was then back to my old "habits" and drinking pretty much every weekend and "partying". Coming from Wisconsin, it was nothing new to me. I started drinking when I was 15, as I'm sure, a lot of Wisconsinites did. The only difference of my drinking in Tennessee is that I drank a lot more..I couldn't tell you why, but I did. I don't know if I was trying to prove something but I, often times, couldn't remember what happened the night before. Did it bother me? Honestly, no. I was 20! I was having fun..this is what your 20's are for, aren't they? Sure, I was still 'underage' but I'd been underage my whole life..it never stopped me before. Anyways, eventually, I met Heath, and settled down into a relationship with him. That, however, didn't stop my partying. We were still young and every weekend (if he wasn't working) we'd usually meet up somewhere and drink the weekend away. It was not a big deal for us to do it. And honestly..I don't regret it. I was having fun and I did have fun! I had my years of fun, I guess you could say. 

When I got pregnant, the partying had settled down because Heath and I were actually involved in our relationship now. We weren't together very long before I got pregnant and it was hard..for both of us. Although, I knew I always wanted to be a mother and a young one, at that, I don't think I 1. realized it would happen so fast! and 2. that it'd be with someone I had practically just met. We were surprised, shocked, scared, terrified, and a little excited. My sister had just had her baby and I loved being an auntie and knew I'd love being a mommy..but I don't think I realized how hard it would be. 

I didn't celebrate my 21st birthday like everyone else usually does. I was as big as a house. (literally!) We just went out to dinner and called it a night. I was 7 months pregnant and about ready to have this baby! I don't go out, like ever, to parties anymore. I have a child to think of now. If I do go out, it's with Heath and our friends and it's usually just dinner and some drinks. I no longer even drink now because when I was pregnant, just the smell of alcohol made me want to puke. If I drink, I'll drink a strawberry dacquari and that's about it. I think I've done a 360 and I still think I have so much to work on as a person, mother, and wife. I'm nowhere near perfect but I try. I've always tried..in everything that I do. I'm not the perfect mother, but I try to not lose my patience with Braxton as much. I try to remember he is only 2 and doesn't fully understand everything. I try not to yell at him too much because I don't want him to remember that. I try to keep the house clean but let's be honest, that's just not fun and hard to do with a 2-year-old! Our house really isn't big enough for me to keep 'clean'. We have crap everywhere because we have nowhere else to put it. =/ I don't try 100% everyday..but there are some days where I do and do you think it gets noticed? Nope! It's hard. 

It's hard to be a good mother, it's hard to be a paramedic's wife, and it's hard to be a good person all the time. There are days where I want to crawl in a hole and be left alone so I can just think and sleep and run away. But I can't anymore. Braxton 75% relies on me (he's very independent..). I can't just leave and run away, I have a husband (that's still weird for me!) to "take care of" and a child to love, to care for, to show life to. There are days where I do just lay around and do nothing and cuddle with Braxton and you know what? I think that's OK. He's not going to be little forever and I want him to always know how much I love and care for him. 

We might have met a little earlier in life..but I think that Braxton saved me. He saved me from my partying ways, which the rate I was going, who knows where I would have ended up. He made me realize what life was really all about. He made me become closer with my parents and God. He's showing me how to live everyday and for that, I couldn't be more thankful. I'll be forever grateful for him. 

Thank you, God, for giving me the greatest joy and love I've ever known. To my Braxy boy- I hope you always know how much I love you and will always love you, no matter what. You will always be my little boy. 

love always.

-k

Everyday Struggles

Ok, a little background information first: While I was working for my wonderful doctors at, then, Ob-Gyn Centre of Excellence in Chattanooga, once I was done breastfeeding Braxton (I pumped while I was at work), I suddenly started to feel more and more tired and was putting on weight. I wasn't eating 'healthy' or anything but with being on my feet for the majority of the day and not really changing anything in my diet, I thought this was kind-of weird. I know breastfeeding can help you lose the baby fat and everything but I gained like 10 lbs in a month and that is just not like me at all. So, I talked to Dr. Brody and he ordered some blood tests. My results came back and said my thyroid was starting to stop working. (which was why I was getting fat and why I was so exhausted all the time!) It was almost three times the number it was suppose to be. So, he put me on Synthroid and to be re-checked in 6 weeks until we got the right dosage right. I was hoping it was going to help me lose the extra weight I had put on but it's not working. I guess my body just wants me to be fat now. :( I've never had to work out or anything and yes, I've always hated how my body was and how it looked but it was some-what bearable. Now, however, I hate my body. I'm fat and I still have no energy but I've been struggling with some severe insomnia lately too. 

Anyways, so today is the first day with no soda! I've been addicted to Mountain Dew since I was pregnant and couldn't drink my Red Bull anymore. I don't drink coffee because it's disgusting to me. I hate it. So, now I'm drinking water with this Crystal Light 'Energy' wild strawberry. It's mostly just the taste that I like about it..I don't think it gives me much energy at all. So, now begins my journey of no soda. Will it help me lose weight? Maybe. Will it help me feel better? Possibly. Will I at least be healthier in the long run? Probably. I don't really think I can "fix" or change my eating habits at this time because I'm a lazy bum but maybe someday! 

So, if I can do this for a month? Will it be easier for me to say "no"? We'll see!! Here goes my own challenge..my personal 30-day Challenge. =) Here goes nothing!!

love always.
-k

One Month..

Well, it's official. I went to the doctor yesterday and got my IUD taken out. The doctor told me not to "try" to get pregnant for the first month because my lining is still thin and wants it to have time to thicken back up. If I were to get pregnant right away, I'd have a greater chance at having a miscarriage. So, in which case, of course, I'm not going to actually try to get pregnant for now. And honestly, I think I'm okay with that because I keep having second thoughts. Then, other days, I'm like "it'll be ok if I would get pregnant, we'd be ok". It's just a back and forth thing for me, I guess. 

I think Heath is feeling it too because I don't think he's really all that ready. We don't technically have a house big enough to accommodate another baby but I'm hoping that we'll either get a house soon OR Heath will get a job or something that we could afford one. 

Heath is finally going to be starting his Fire classes at the end of this month because then he'll be qualified enough to get a job with TVA. =) If that happens, we'll probably be moving closer to wherever he'd get a job. This job would be ideal not only because it'll probably be easier on him and our family but the money will be amazing! So, I'm so hopeful this all works out for us. I think many of people know that we live paycheck to paycheck as it is and if we add another baby (even though, I'll breastfeed for the first year), I'll definitely have to budget a lot more than before. ;) But for our family, how can I not?

If you don't know, Heath works as an EMT in Tennessee. He is a Paramedic in North Carolina (where he took his classes and everything) but he hasn't taken and passed his National Registry Test for TN. I'm not sure if he will now that he'll be taking these Fire classes and will hopefully get a job with TVA. But even if he did take his test and pass, that little bit of extra money would help. But we'll make it. 

I think we're only going to have our 2 kids. With how expensive it is to even have kids between diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. I just don't know how we'd afford anymore, much less, my patience! =P Braxton makes me lose enough as it is..we'll see how 2 goes. We have a savings account set up for Braxton and I hope it'll be enough for his first car, house, or college. If things keep going as they're going, it won't be. 

Anyways, there's my little update. I keep having "baby fever"..there are a few people I know that pregnant and I miss it so much!! It was rough for me in the beginning but once that was all over- it was AMAZING!!!!! But I guess that's it for tonight- this momma has to go to bed! 

Until next time! =)

love always.
-k 

Am I The Only One?

Where do I even start? I feel like I have so much to say! I haven't been sleeping well at all because my insomnia has been through the roof. So, I'm exhausted during the day (and yes, sometimes I doze off during nap time) but it's not like I sleep all day or anything. So, anyways, I can't sleep for the life of me at night and then I'm tired all day long which then makes for a crabby mommy. I feel awful for my son because I feel my patience go right through the window. It's not his fault I can't sleep but I have no patience for his crap sometimes. He's 2 and yes, sometimes he knows better but for the majority, he doesn't. I can honestly say that I feel like the worst.mother.ever. He's only going to be little for a little while and here I am, trying to just keep my patience. He also hasn't been sleeping through the night because of this awful cold that he can't seem to kick. He wakes up coughing most of the time so he ends up in bed or on the couch with me. Sometimes, I just don't know what else to do...

Braxton hasn't been taking naps lately because he's been sleeping a little later. This is day 2 of no naps and I can tell you right now, he's getting naps from now on. He's such a mean, sassy little boy! I am seriously SO surprised how I even have hair left in my head. BUT on a happier note, he was in the kitchen with my mom (he LOVES to cook and he helps her ALL the time..has his own stool and everything) and he repeats everything. So, they're making dinner and she says "Oh, we need 2 cups of noodles" and he repeats her "we need 2 cups of nooles" 
"Now, we need 2 cups of milk, thank goodness Papa got milk!" and there he goes "goodness Papa got nilk." Ha-ha!! It's those times that I remember to take it all in. He won't be 2 forever. He can be sweet but he really is a sass! 

Heath and I are now talking about adding another baby into the mix of it all. I go on Monday to get my IUD out and although I'm excited, I'm pretty nervous too. How am I going to handle 2 kids? How am I going to love a new one as much as I love Braxton? Will it be harder on us? I feel like we struggle enough as it is. In the end, I pray. I ask God to help us through our issues and through life. I'm nowhere near perfect but I try to be a good mom, sister, daughter, and friend. 

Heath has literally worked all week long-which means he left Monday morning and I won't see him until tomorrow morning. He's a paramedic so he works 24 hours and he picked up a crap ton of extra shifts this week. Although the check/money will be awesome..most of it will go towards bills, I'm sure. He works so hard so that I can stay home with Braxton (& soon a new baby?) I'm forever grateful for that because that's what I always wanted. Heath and I have our difficulties, that's for dang sure, but I think our love will get us through it. We fight and we argue but we work it out. I think I got "stuck" with a pretty great guy, to the say the least.

Anyways, our "announcement" is out, we're going to try to have another baby!! I'm so excited!! Braxton isn't too sure yet. I used to ask him if I could have a baby and he'd say "ok" but now I ask him and he says "no, momma" so it should be interesting. ;) Wish us luck!! =P 

love always
-k

Braxton is 2!

I seriously cannot believe my baby turns 2 today! I can still remember the day I pushed him out. I was 39 weeks along and I went in for my appointment and I was 4cm dilated. Considering I lived an hour away, my midwife didn't want to take the chance of missing the baby being born or the baby being born in the truck. So, she told us to go get some lunch and she'd call us once they had a room ready for us at the hospital. We went to our typical restaurant, Golden Corral, and Heath ate some lunch and sat there and watched him and waited. I didn't want to eat just in case I would need a c-section later on. My midwife had already warned me that it might end up going that route because I had a small pelvis..so I was just making sure. And now, I wish I would have eaten because I was starving!! (I mean, hello! I was pregnant..of course I was hungry!! and I honestly didn't know I'd be having a baby today either.) So, Angela (midwife) finally called us and told us to go get checked into the hospital and she'd meet us there later. So, off we went! Being from Wisconsin and being extremely pregnant and my anxiety was through the roof (my medications were decreased because I wasn't sure how it would affect my pregnancy) I was a hot mess! Literally. Apparently, it was already cold in the delivery room but I was roasting so I had them bring in a fan because they couldn't adjust the thermostat for just one room. (stupid decision on their part, I think!) My mom (FINALLY!!) met us at the hospital and everyone in the room was freezing. And finally after getting my epidural (Braxton was turned wrong so I was having awful back labor), it was eventually time to push. I was in labor for 5 hours and Braxton Owen was born at 7:59 pm. 7 lbs even and 20 inches long. He was beautiful but he didn't cry. Honestly, Braxton didn't cry for quite a while and the nurses really thought that there was something wrong but he was fine. (I personally think he was drugged up from the epidural too because they had to give me 3 doses for it to finally work..) He's still not a very big crier..he must just be tougher. 

my precious little boy

I thought it was hard when he turned one, but he's grown SO much in the last year, it's amazing!! I wish he would stay little but I know it's not possible. I'm so proud of the little man he's become. His manners are awesome, and he's constantly learning when to be using them. I hear "thank you, momma" all the time, though. :) He repeats everything!! It's usually pretty funny..but for some reason, he somehow knows the difference from the words he should be saying..genius! ;)

Braxton newborn-2 yrs

My baby is growing up before my very eyes. It's amazing! How big he's gotten seriously floors me! Since Braxton wasn't exactly 'planned', I wondered how I would love him and care for him. I was 21 and inexperienced, I was my mom's baby. (literally!) But I can't help but feel a little proud of myself as well. This booger is my life and he'll never understand the love I have for him. "I believe in love at first sight because I'm a mom".

Now, I have to go watch my big boy make his birthday cupcakes!!=) (he LOVES to cook/bake!!) Until next time..

love always.
-k

Chattanooga Aquarium

Well, Amanda, Kirsty, and Kaiden's last day in Chattanooga was Monday so we ended up going to the Chattanooga Aquarium. Braxton absolutely loves it and looking at all the fish! He, however, doesn't really like touching them. Haha! 

I think we all had a great time and enjoyed our last day together. Afterwards, we all took a little nap though because we were exhausted!! But it was SO fun and I was SO sad to have to say good-bye to them. :( I hate saying good-bye and I wish that we could all live closer but I guess that's what happens when you grow up. I'm a very family oriented person so it's REALLY hard for me to not have my family with me all the time..especially after that was what I've been used to for the last 20 years. It's STILL hard for me to this day to not be near them. I know I have my own little family and I love them but I still like being able to go see my parents on the weekend and stuff. 

We live (literally) 10 feet from Heath's mom so I can see her whenever I really want to but when I moved up here to be with Heath, I moved an hour and a half away from my parents. There are days when I'm fine with it and then there are other days when I just don't feel like it's fair. I understand that I'm a stay-at-home mom and he does work for us and everything but I still have the feelings. And every once and a while he talks about moving to Florida (where he grew up, he knows everything and everyone, where his stepmom lives, etc.) and how fair is THAT?! I gave up the idea of moving back Up North. I'm struggling. I generally will just shut down and that will be the end of the conversation. How many more times do I need to tell him that I don't want to move to FL? Ugh..and now as I'm ranting on here, I realize how stupid I must sound. Let me know if you have any suggestions for me. Thanks!!

love always

-k

Jake and the Neverland Pirates Party!

So, I'm finally able to get on here between running around trying to make everyone happy. I know I said I'd post some pictures of Braxton's birthday party, which was themed Jake and the Neverland Pirates! =) 

He didn't have a nap that day (Saturday) and he had a blast! He didn't get crabby until the last part of it while we were cleaning up and everything. He got SO much stuff and I really don't know where or what I'm going to do with it all! But the most important part of it was that he had a great time and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out! :) 

We had a photo booth (my mom and sister made the "boat") and it turned out so cute! My photographer sister took the pictures and I cannot wait to see how cute they turned out!! I'm so excited! Anyways, this little man is totally spoiled rotten. 

How cute is this little man? I cannot believe he's going to be 2 on Saturday. :( I am kinda sad because he's growing up too fast!! He's a growing, smart little guy now. He still likes to cuddle and be my little baby (sometimes) but I REALLY miss him being a tiny, little, baby!! He's grown before my eyes and I guess even when I TRIED to take advantage of all of his time as being a tiny baby, he still grew up & is now my little toddler who's really a smarty pants and a little sass. I can't believe how lucky I am to have him in my life. Who knows where I'd be today if I hadn't have had him. I'm pretty sure I'm the luckiest mommy in the world. <3

 "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

love always

-k